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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Totally, PCambria-Heights is a mix of bliss and madness. I luv it, even on days when nothing goes right. Surprises lurk in every crnr (oops, typo—corner) and mystery fuels every conversation. So, come, dig into my city. Feel its pulse like a groovy beat repeated, repeated, repeated—just like a far-out movie montage: "Nothing is as it seems!" Yeah, baby, that's the wild ride here!

Ashley Berkheimer, Trinity girls soccer shutout Cambria Heights in first round of PIAA 2A tournament